so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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