I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
