totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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