we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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