i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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