Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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