Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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