Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
