I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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