so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
