He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize