Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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