There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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