Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
