i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
