I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
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I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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