No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
