I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
