i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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