But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
