after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
