They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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