So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dick very happy bro
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
