Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
