oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
