i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
