I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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