how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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