I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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