I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My penis needs a shock collar
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
