I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
