Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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