Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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