he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
