Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
