when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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