I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
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I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
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I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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