eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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