peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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