He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
