Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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