after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
