that's an acceptable place to lick
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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