I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
