ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
