I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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