I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
