I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
