i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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