The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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