I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
