Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
