there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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