Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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