I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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