he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
