He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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