whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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