Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's never too late to be topless.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
