brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
