you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
