Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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