he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
