I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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