Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
