i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
