My sheets look like a crime scene.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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