Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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