The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
