yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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