conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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