he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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