Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
honey bunches of taint.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
