he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
