It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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