Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
