Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
